St. Patty's Day

St. Patty's Day began with the traditional race-to-build-a-quality-leprechaun-trap before 7:30am, the official leave for school time. The prized trap includes one Tortino's single pepperoni pizza box (top cut to bend upward), double-sided tape (inside the box), 3 shiny pennies (attached to the tape), and various kitchen chotzkes (barriers encircling the trap).

Next, off to school...back home to check email and scan job postings....and then out to "run errands". The mission? Find fun egg fillers for our annual Easter egg hunt.

First stop, Party City. A couple of cute things - teeny tiny cameras that you can look through and rotate pics, similar to the old-timey View Master, a few necklaces, some furry chicks, etc. I skip the idea of going to Target 'cause we're there all the time anyway, so where else might I find some obscure cutie booty? K-Mart.

Not to offend anyone, but I am always totally grossed out at K-Mart. It starts in the parking lot where I swear there's more gum in more colors than any Wrigley's plant could hope to produce in a lifetime. Naturally, it's all ABC gum, so I hop-scotch through the parking lot and search out the automatic door entrance so I don't have to touch any handles.

I browse the candy displays and head for the toy dept. for a quick look-see. By this time, I've been in the store about 4 minutes and surviving OK. And then, the creep-out.

Somewhere toward the back of the store, this loud voice begins to bellow "Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurls n' Peeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaarls". What??? And again, loud like a Carnie, "Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurls n' Peeeeaaaaaaarls". OMG - why can't people in K-Mart just be normal?!

The 'Girls n' Pearls' chant continued about every 10 seconds as I hurried my Dansko-ed feet through the store and to the first available checkout. I never saw the guy, but I can describe him easy: greasy slicked back hair, tobacco-ed teeth, creepy slits for eyes that never blink, and skin that's way dirtier than it should be. Sorry, Martha.

Back home, sufficiently safe and anti-bacterialized, I'm off now to the carpool line.

Happy St. Patty's Day!